One of the unique challenges that moms with cancer need to face, is the task of communicating their illness and the impending changes to their children. Many parents may want to avoid the topic to “protect” their children. This is however not a solution, as children are very observant and tuned in to changes that happen around them.
Children are amazingly resilient and with the right information, attention and support, they can learn to cope with a cancer diagnosis in the family and the impact it may have on their daily lives.
Cancer affects the whole family. Children of all ages should therefore be included as active participants in the process, as much as comfortably possible. The ages of your children will determine the level of detail and information that you need to share.
Younger children may only need basic information, whilst older children will need more specifics.
Older children may also search online for information on cancer and may find all sorts of disturbing statistics that are not necessarily relevant to your specific situation, so it may be wise to discuss the specific information upfront.
Without the right information, children may jump to conclusions and expect the worst.
The American Cancer Society stipulates that the following information should be shared with children:
- The name of your cancer
- The part of the body where the cancer is
- How the cancer will be treated
- How a cancer diagnosis will affect their lives
In the book “Talking to your kids about Breast Cancer”, the author Livingstone suggests the following:
EDUCATE: Be open and honest. Tell your children you are sick, what type of cancer you have and what the treatment plan is.
ENGAGE: Try to involve your children as much as you are comfortable with so that they feel included. A tour of the chemo area and a meeting with the medical team that’s working to “make Mommy better”, are positive ways to engage and positively involve them.
INSPIRE: Ongoing communication is important so encourage your children to ask questions and to talk about what and how they are feeling.
EXPAND: Select a few special friends, family members or caregivers to help out consistently with your children during your treatment. This will provide security, structure and stability to your children.
Any form of communication with your children about your cancer must be age-appropriate. Remember to seek help if you need it. There are many experts such as your medical team, trauma counsellors, support groups and other health care professionals that will be able to give you valuable advice on the topic.
May you and your family grow stronger and closer as you learn to face and meet the challenges of your cancer diagnosis.
And remember, you and they are SO worth the fight!
